I am back from walking to the grocery store and back to pick up oats and butter for a healthy Peach Cobbler/Crisp Hybrid. After the walk home carrying groceries (in which I ended up picking up a lot more than two things) I am hardly in the mood to cook. So I settle on the Internet because it is rewarding getting likes for what I write.
I know mainly I am writing for myself, but I think I enjoy getting likes on my blog posts more than on my Instagram photos. For my Instagram, I have had some family following me consistently liking my photos since I started. In return, I like all their photos.
I am not much into Facebook, or as Abraham-Hicks calls it, NoseBook. I notice there is a completely different atmosphere on Instagram than Facebook. When Facebook first started, and you had to be a college student to get an account. It was more fun. Later Facebook had lots of fun Flash games. Yet, in the form Facebook is in today, I just forget to check it.
I recognize that there is an audience on Facebook that likely outnumbers the audience of WordPress (the site I use for blogging.) Yet, Facebook doesn’t bring me joy anymore, so I usually ignore it.
Overall marketing isn’t my strong point. If I were serious I could make an image for every post. My posts would appear on Facebook automatically as I published to my blog. I have the skills to do this. I know the use of Adobe Illustrator and Photoshop. I am even taking a class to improve my Photoshop skills.
I actually seriously blogged for about two years making sure I had an image for every post that I made myself. I later took those images down because my eldest sister informed me that I should at least watermark my images so they don’t get stolen.
From 2016-2017 I decided to pursue the dream of blogging for a living. I still worked, but I also focused on creating content for an audience. I worked on my hashtags and titles. Then I stopped. I looked up the number of views I’d need a month to make money from advertising. I’d need in a month what I was getting in a year’s worth of work.
I reached my goal for increasing views in 2017 compared to 2016 and decided to rest a little before starting my goal for 2018. I didn’t regain the motivation and I look back at that time and wonder why. What happened to me in 2018 that I no longer felt the need to express myself in writing?
It wasn’t that I didn’t write during that time. I took to the forums where I could get more feedback on my writing. The feedback was not always positive. In fact, I became like a turtle in a shell again. It took years of writing to build up the confidence to write on esoteric topics as if I knew what I was talking about.
To write this freely as if having a conversation with someone who will not judge if they do not agree, that is a skill I had to build up. In real life, people can hear my tone of voice and see my facial expression. On some employment application forms they ask you to discuss a time you received poor customer service and I have to make something up because I genuinely get good customer service. I expect to enjoy talking to people and I am not often disappointed… maybe its a midwest thing.
Online, however, is a different story. I’ve seen people build up empires and have them crash down for the smallest mistake. When you talk freely online, people seem to take things more personally. Maybe because I cannot see the person I am talking to I can not get an intuitive feel on what topic they would enjoy. I also tend to stick to small talk with strangers in person.
I fell down a rabbit hole or two and I really started seeing the world from another point of view. Yet, then I didn’t see the world that way anymore and returned to my original set point.
I have written posts, that would crash an empire if I had one. I went through and converted posts back to draft form, some on the topic of rabbit holes. Other posts were converted to draft when I attached my name to the site. I didn’t want potential employers looking me up to discover talk about an invisible disability.
I later took my name off my blog again, but my Instagram links to this site. In case you are wondering today I have 651 published posts and 511 drafts. I tried to comb through old posts that could lead to rabbit holes or had any talk of disability. It decreased the number of organic views I received each day, but for me it was worth it.
I am sure I overlooked some empire crashing posts, but I don’t have an empire. If I had an empire I’d like to build it as a person who makes mistakes from the get go. Yet, I’d need to start putting in the effort again. I really don’t feel like putting effort into marketing.
As of right now, I am writing as someone who exercises to build muscle. In this case just honing my writing skill. The dream of writing for a living still exists, as does the dream of creating digital art for a living. Yet, it seems the most I can do is create content regardless of how many people notice.
Part of me is still very much afraid of being heard. I have a powerful voice, but speak softly. You, reader, perhaps you can hear the power behind this quiet voice? I read once to never talk about how few subscribers you have on your blog. I have a lot more than I started out with. I have certain posts that consistently bring in views.
I guess I am breaking the rules, but I am not trying to pull in subscribers anymore. I am writing for the sake of expression and glad that I have enough readers that someone will hear me.
I think I have many readers in various stages of the writing quest. Some are just starting out in blogging and some have large followings. I pulled out of that race. Now I am like a runner who keeps a personal score of quality of running, but doesn’t pay attention to the goal posts.
My score of this post? I liked writing it, so high marks for me. There also were not many pauses where I ran out of ideas of what to say. The writing of this post flowed nicely. Good marks.