Beginnings

Feeling unauthentic

quiltback
Life can be tricky. I try to write about my knowledge, but at times it feels like I am putting on a mask. I’ve listened to enough talented teachers, and channelers to be able to put on a pretty realistic looking mask.

I sure can seem like I know what I am talking about, but really, after all my Truth Seeking and Spiritual quests, the mask of knowing is still a mask.

We happen to be all babies who started out with nothing. All we knew, was what we saw, and heard. We have gone quite a long way in creating our collage from the things we were told and experienced. Yet, a vast majority of our collage is based on other people’s views and experiences.

It can be so hard even when painting to not create a collage. Instead of pasting images from a magazine, the image of that item comes from the head. You paint a chair, and think ‘chair.’ Someone once told you that the unknown object was a chair, and taught you to seat at the table. Someone once told you that some of the things you see are objects.

I haven’t been able to create a quality post lately. As I seem to be unable to put on the mask of knowing. It feels too much like pretending.

It can be a fun mask to wear, out of my gallery of masks it is by far the most detailed one. Some people focus on the mask of their religion and that becomes the most detailed. Some people choose the mask of comedy, sports, science, romantic, etc

There are few that know how to communicate without wearing one mask or another. It is to the point that many of us do not know our authentic self.

My authentic self, is quiet. I feel no need to entertain others. When I am entertaining it is because I have felt the pain of not feeling accepted as quiet. All my talking about my views and feelings is a lie. It is quite a built up lie.

For I do not really focus on my views or feelings. I just am. When I talk about those things, it is like I am thinking aloud. Here I am creating a statement, but, really, before I wrote this post I hadn’t much of an idea what to write. I hadn’t thought of this topic before.

So in a way I am painting with words. A blank page is before me, and I fill it up to pass the time.

My authentic self, spends a lot of time imagining worlds, and very little time recording them. They are for my own entertainment. I have created so many worlds, and variations of such, that I do not remember them.

I think my only authentic face, is that of a creator. I paint, I write, I imagine. Each Mask I wear is another kind of paint.

In the end, it doesn’t matter if you like this painting written in words. It doesn’t have to make sense. I am a creator, I will just go on creating.

P.S.

I admit Logic is not my strong point anymore. I have just enough Logic to survive.

After the MRI, when they showed me my brain. One side was a lot bigger then the other. They said everything looked normal. But I could see that I do not have the textbook style brain (the one you see in pictures). I think that it would be rare to find someone who would tell a study participant that their brain looked anything other then normal.

I know my brain is not normal. There are some puzzles that I could never understand. Give me a Rubik Cube, and I will continue twisting it quite a time, yet I cannot get my brain around the whole puzzle. If someone trained me how to solve a Rubik Cube, that is different then being able to really understand it. It would just go through the steps of memory. It is like I have a block to understanding some puzzles. I come across them every now and again in games.

Looking at my brain shows me that I am able to think in ways that others cannot, but there are also ways I cannot yet think.

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