Lately, it seems, I have been thinking about little of importance. I ordered the book, “The Motivation Manifesto,” to see if it can motivate me to get moving on something.
I still feel that I have no where to fit into the world. I just pass day by day without living. My mind gets further and further from matters of importance as I escape into Daydreaming.
Daydreaming, an old habit. A wonderful mechanism of coping with dull day by day existence of life that is completely free. I don’t have to pay a ticket price to Daydream. It certainly is a good, stress reducing, process. Yet, when little entertaining happens otherwise, it is addicting.
You see, being Schizoaffective, I have not always been able to Daydream in high quality. (Stupid depression and Medication) When suddenly my imagination is energized, I want to escape into Daydreaming as much as possible. Tomorrow I might not feel as Creative.
So, when my imagination gets fired up, I start to go out less. I get less exercise. I take advantage of my increased mental ability before it fades away.
I start to worry about my life passing by, but I am too addicted to stop. All to often in my life, have I been forced to play the exact same scene in my mind without only slight variation.
I will admit it. I have changed. I no longer talk as much, or even bother to Blog. It is the nature of my illness to change completely with the different seasons. I am a little confused as to what brought on this season. The only thing I can think of is my metabolism slowing down with my diet. As I have Hypothyroidism this slowing down is more dramatic then with normal dieting. Just last week I decided to take the risk and switch to a T3/T4 combination. So my metabolism might speed back up, changing me into a different (unknown) season.
I commented on one of your previous posts but hadnt really looked much into your blog. Today I looked back through previous posts. I didn’t realize the the title was about new age – I had never heard the term intuitive used for this before.
I am schizoaffective/bipolar II as well (its how I found the blog, I was looking for a blog by a person with SZA/BP).
I am also very interested in intuitive items (thanks for the new terminology 🙂 ) so reading through your past entries was very helpful to me. I have that internal argument of science vs supernatural all the time. I would like to be able to get the two ideas to coexist in my headspace.
This is the first I have heard of thyroid problems being a cause of the bipolar. It is something I will investigate further. I would like to be rid of the mood problems. I do kinda embrace the schizo parts, though.
I’m real big on synchronicities. They aren’t constantly present but tend to come in waves. Some would call them schizo delusions. But I think there is more to it than that. So – schizo or psychic? I tend to go with the latter. Because it makes life so much more interesting and colorful.
I really like your blog. I’m a fan now.
Take care, have a great evening!
Thanks, I wrote with the hope that someone could relate, but ended up feeling like no one could. Have a fun journey.
I do relate. Unfortunately, I didn’t know until today that there was something to relate to :(.
Life is funny like that sometimes.
You’ve posted a lot for me to follow up on so ill be looking through older entries to remind myself of what it was I was looking for. 🙂