Lately, it seems, I have been thinking about little of importance. I ordered the book, “The Motivation Manifesto,” to see if it can motivate me to get moving on something.
I still feel that I have no where to fit into the world. I just pass day by day without living. My mind gets further and further from matters of importance as I escape into Daydreaming.
Daydreaming, an old habit. A wonderful mechanism of coping with dull day by day existence of life that is completely free. I don’t have to pay a ticket price to Daydream. It certainly is a good, stress reducing, process. Yet, when little entertaining happens otherwise, it is addicting.
You see, being Schizoaffective, I have not always been able to Daydream in high quality. (Stupid depression and Medication) When suddenly my imagination is energized, I want to escape into Daydreaming as much as possible. Tomorrow I might not feel as Creative.
So, when my imagination gets fired up, I start to go out less. I get less exercise. I take advantage of my increased mental ability before it fades away.
I start to worry about my life passing by, but I am too addicted to stop. All to often in my life, have I been forced to play the exact same scene in my mind without only slight variation.
I will admit it. I have changed. I no longer talk as much, or even bother to Blog. It is the nature of my illness to change completely with the different seasons. I am a little confused as to what brought on this season. The only thing I can think of is my metabolism slowing down with my diet. As I have Hypothyroidism this slowing down is more dramatic then with normal dieting. Just last week I decided to take the risk and switch to a T3/T4 combination. So my metabolism might speed back up, changing me into a different (unknown) season.