Earlier today I had a desire to post. Yet, I had to wait. I will try to recapture that feeling.
I am in a strange place. After so many years of barely being able to do anything, I finally feel more able. Yet, I still cannot fit in the world. I am not yet strong enough to make my own space. I am in this in between state.
I was considered Schizoaffective Bipolar for many years. Yet, it all might be connected to my Thyroid. So helping my Thyroid has enabled me to feel much better, but as I step out of the haze, I discover that I do not fit in the world of adults at all.
A few days ago, a job I really wanted was filled by another person. I received a personal email explaining why. It stated that, while my writing skills are excellent, my communication skills are not advanced enough for the position. (I am really horrible at interviews.)
It is nice to hear that my writing skills are excellent, but I do not feel talented enough to make a living writing. I’d love to make a living writing, but lack the confidence to pursue it. Author seems like the perfect job for someone who communicates better though writing then talking.
I am working on talking. I am really good a small talk, but it took me many years to get to that ability. Discovering I might be Autistic really helps me understand why.
I know that it is time to start up my story. The one I have been putting off because I do not feel able enough, as a writer, to accomplish it. The pressure is building on all the ideas, I’ve had over the years. So many that 99% of them are forgotten. It is time to take this to the next level, and get it out of my head onto paper.
I know I stated something similar weeks ago, but I cannot seem to get myself to start. My mind has been in record mode for so long, yet now I need to edit a movie out of it.