Been reading, Whatever arises love that

I find the book very relaxing. So relaxing that as my mind slowly read the words, my mind drifted to my day.

There is a young one I know, who has recently started saying, “I’m the worse, and I hate myself.” I wasn’t quite sure how to respond to this statement until today. Each time he said, “I’m the worse.” I said, “I love you.” This annoyed him greatly. So he switched to, “I hate myself.” I told him, “It is okay to hate yourself, just love the one who hates himself.”

This is a very Matt Kahn statement, and it seemed to melt the tension. Despite how short my explanation of the teaching was, he seemed to accept it. Later I asked him, “Do you want to listen to the I Love You song?” He did. It is a song on the ‘Freedom from Judgement’ audio that is simply, “I Love You, I Love Youuu. I Love You, I Love Youuu.” I told him that this was a song from my spiritual teacher, but that I couldn’t teach him because his Mother might get upset. The teachings help me to be more patient, and remember to say the I Love You’s to myself.

I was expecting him to tell me that the song was lame, but instead he smiled. (And started watching Pokemon.) I am not allowed to talk about my family on this blog, but feel I have been vague enough.

This is what my mind was drafting to as I read Matt Kahn. I was thinking about how these simple statements (along with others I made later) could help him in this rough patch he seems to be going through. I tried my best to choose only teachings that wouldn’t upset his Mother.

Also I was thinking about how my family would react if they read this book, and who I should give it too. My mind touched on mainly my sisters, but perhaps my brothers need to read it too.

Do you see why I need to do artwork while listening to audio? I cannot do artwork while reading, so my mind drifted. I simply allowed my mind to wonder this time, though normally I re-read to understand what I just read. So I was just reading for two hours, of which I remember the first hour.

This is not a bad thing, as my mind drafted the words I read were so relaxing that my heart feels very happy. I might have to read this book many times, as it shuts off the analytical part of my mind that says, “I lost focus, must go back and understand.”

Who all should I give a book to? Among my sisters books tend to circulate. I am not in this circle, but if one sister like a book they tell another to read it. They read many mysteries. One sister loves books on audio.

If Matt Kahn reads the audiobook, I intend to buy it someday. Then my sister is more likely to read (by listening). I am still unsure if the audio program that came with special is the same as the book. They seem similar. I wonder if Matt Kahn would mind me giving my sister the audio instead of handing her the book.

Normally if I listen to something, I cannot read it without thinking I have heard this before. It is mystery to me that I need to get out the audio and do a side by side comparison with the book to figure out if it is the audiobook.

I am normally a person who cannot read the same book twice because I start thinking about how I’ve already heard this. Now I listened to the audio, am reading the book, and will likely have to read it many times before I am able to understand the whole thing.

Now that I have started the book, I want to read it instead of just having listened to the audio. It is relaxing at a different level where I am in complete control of the pace. (I am a slow reader.) The words are being heard in my inside voice. (I cannot describe the voice that reads the words in books, I don’t know if I read with a female or male voice. It is just hearing in my minds eye.

I had forgotten how relaxing that could be, reading. When you start reading faster to hear more, and the narrative aspect of the inside voice disappears and it just is reading. Its been so long since a book has really been that relaxing.

I am reading like I read as a child.

Categories: Beginnings

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