As the winter gets closer and the light is less every day, I am grateful that winter every year has turned back to spring. From the cold and dark the snow melts and the seeds burst from their shells to meet the new year. Last Christmas I missed the celebration and was in the hospital on the New Year. Somehow my old medication had stopped working and I let the noisy thoughts go by attaching to none of them till the pain of the thoughts was so great I burst. The process of trying new medications was difficult as one continually woke me from sleep with a sharp twitch. The next left me dull and tired and once I adapted to have energy, it simply stopped working.

My knowledge of alternate dimensions has expanded, and I am just grateful that they are not the dimension I am in. I took a break from spirituality simply because I didn’t have the focus to listen or read much. Slowly over this last year I returned inch by inch to what once sustained me. I still can have trouble focusing like I once did, but I can listen to podcasts again. I have trouble focusing the whole time and need to listen to things over again to try and improve comprehension.

I have trouble getting up after sleeping, but hope I can learn to overcome that. I am just so glad to be able to focus on my spiritual journey again even if I do not know if it is going anywhere. I am grateful that the need to write has arisen. I am a writer, but I do not need to write to survive. I am also an artist, but I do not need to make images to live. There are people who really have an inner need to create. I need to be in a stable environment and healthy in mind to pursue the arts.

I have been on a journey and many around me are going through hard times. I am just thankful that I have this moment to write. I do not know the future as many loved ones have had or will have major surgery. I have not tried to use my Reiki skills to try to heal them because they are not open to such. I try to respect the individual’s beliefs and their faith is in God and the Doctor. All I can do is support.

I am distressed by how much war is in the world right now. I used to listen to Matt Kahn and go through guided meditations of healing the world. When my illness became painful to my ability to focus and I started having anxiety attacks I stopped listening to Matt Kahn. I hoped that by ending that process of guided meditation whatever was attacking me would stop. Yet it did not.

I finally feel safe enough to listen to Matt Kahn again. I finally feel safe enough to express in writing again. Yet, I have been through such battles of the mind that I have a nervous tone in my words. Maybe that does not come across. Before I started having trouble with medication I had been stable so long I had this safe feeling inside me. I could help heal the world in group meditation and pretend to be an earth angel in training.