Beginnings

One Last Post?

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I’ve been in such a strange mood lately. After a need to express my biggest secret, I felt I had alienated my readers. I expressed to honestly, and with too much detail. Afterwards, I worked myself into such am emotion that I turned my Blog to private. All in the heat of passion of one day. The same emotion that made me confess wasn’t stilled by the confession.

I thought that my hormones were doing it. My period had stopped for 9 months with no pregnancy, and how it had returned with hormones my body was no longer used to. PreMS followed by PostMS.

Last night my emotion lead me to stand up for myself. This lead to a disagreement, and tears. I had been letting someone push me around for years, and known all the time I needed to talk to her about things. I finally did, and she reacted as I expected. I was too bold just like I was too bold writing my confession.

I had wondered what opening my throat chakra would be like. To someone who has been quiet about many things for years it is easy to express yourself unwisely. Expression is important, but people are not ready for it.

I should have been more delicate in my expression. Expressing myself doesn’t seem to satisfy any need. I just felt more need to open up. People are not used to truly open people.

I do not know what to do with my site. If I should just cover up the posts that are unprofessional. I have a habit of being too open, and now it is exaggerated by an open throat chakra. I took down the confession the day after posting it.

I was going to start an anonymous blog again.’Fish in the Ocean’ It isn’t as good of a name. I changed from peacenowflower to snowflowerbloom.

I started writing the first post for ‘Fish in the Ocean,’ and wanted some of my old readers to have a chance to read this. After a month of almost quiet now I want to write, but this feeling I don’t know how to express.

This worry. This sadness at how other are reacting to an openness that is rare. I have alienated many readers with different posts over the years. I just have a need to express myself, but don’t seem to consider the feelings of the readers. I am sorry, I said to much in the confession post. I was embarrassed.

Something about me has changed. Yet, it is better I express myself to strangers so openly then too much to family and friends. A stranger can just leave my blog, or comment.

Perhaps it is good I am writing this. So that if someone else ever coughs their throat chakra open they will know it makes the heart open too. With it comes the emotion to speak like never before. To confess all secrets you have been hiding.

Now I think that there is only one secret I am holding onto. Even if I around about confessed it years ago. I intend to hold onto this secret for my last confession hardly made me feel good.

 

Categories: Beginnings

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