It hasn’t felt right to Channel lately, it felt too much like I was hiding behind the one being channeled. So I have been trying to speak for myself. Even Channeling my Higher Self, would be reaching for a source thought to have more authority then me.
I do not mean this as a put down for Channelers, I just personally felt it is better to write as myself. So every now and then I will be inspired by an esoteric topic, but over all I just am in a state of being.
It is hard to Blog to report one’s personal news when in this state, the feeling in being is less of a need to question. With less of a need to question, I am not drawn to the dance of activating my brain to come up with an answer. Nor do I feel called to Channel so that others can answer for me.
It is hard to answer the question you don’t have.
I don’t even stop and ask, “What is my purpose?” For I know my purpose is to be. I can create as elaborate a purpose as I want to fill up the time. I am a creative creator. Vast are the tools and supplies used to craft a personal purpose.
Yet does the seed need to have a purpose to grow? It just takes in the sun, water and soil. The process is so natural that the plant can focus on anything that its little plant heart desires.
I think I have an advantage in understanding one’s creative abilities when related to creating one’s reality. For I have struggled to find clarity in a mind that was delusional. Somewhere along the way I have to discover the difference between the minds ability to create reality and delusion. For, excluding my Mania, I have walked the line between psychic ability and mental illness. Only during my Mania did I ever really hear voices, or see what wasn’t there. My issue was largely more nuanced.
I don’t know if I should search for a new Doctor who would be willing to decrease mediation or not. For I have been studying the reality of those outside the mainstream. Those who might Channel, or me Psychic. I have been trying to figure what makes them healthy, while me ill.
I do not know if I would be delusional now that my Thyroid is balanced. I don’t know if I was ever really delusional or so disconnected from reality by having to sleep 16 hours a day, that I was un-grounded.
I can hardly present my case to a Psychiatrist in the 15 minutes I see them. Plus, there is only one Intuitive I would trust to tell me good advice on the topic. Matt Kahn. He would be able to see past the Stagma of medication, and tell me if I honestly should be fighting to be given a chance to have less medication.
He has no openings, and I would have to wait over a year to see him. If I attend the Angel Academy, I might get a chance to ask him, but I do not want him to get in trouble for talking about such a controversial topic. It is actually illegal for an Medical Intuitive to tell someone they need to go off medication. If Matt Kahn says the wrong thing during a live call, I would feel I am at fault for any trouble he gets into.
So I guess I still do have a question. Its just one I’d not feel comfortable Channeling to find the answer myself.
Before you start thinking of me as a victim, forced by the medical system to take a medication. Know that everything is divine. I choose to be right on the line, to be so hard to define. I wanted to understand the nuances of reality.
I am not simply speaking of this from the position of being considered ill, or well. This medication impacts my mood on a daily basis. I can feel the difference since my Psychiatrist decided to increase my dose simply because he never prescribes this medication at a low dose. I went from going out and walking everyday to largely staying at home. I went from motivated on a diet, to unable to motivate myself to consider dieting.