I have been feeling a little discouraged this week. Or maybe these past few weeks. I have made progress growing, but discouragement has settled in. The world seems the same, no matter how much I grow. My weight keeps on coming on, now that I have stopped my diet. Today I had Chinese food, and a Happy Fortune cookie. Yet, it is the same message I have been getting for months, or years. Something unexpected and good is on its way soon. Soon. What a hard to understand word. In the terms of a day, soon is nearly now, but in the terms of Eternity ‘Soon’ might be a few lifetimes away.
I developed my frustration with this word in High School, going into College. I’d pray to the Angels for guidance and they would say they would help me ‘Soon.’ Days passed, and High School days turned into College days. Yet, I was already done with working with Angels (or so I thought). I was an interesting Youth. Caught somewhere between talking to the Angels and hardly believing God really existed. I had many sides to myself. I told my sister, I don’t believe in God once. I remember her talking later about feeling a horrible Godmother. Our brother might have changed religions, but at least he believed in God.
Today, I do believe in God. It was, in fact, Mania that renewed my belief. If my entire perception of reality changes with just a little chemical imbalance, we humans only see the world within the limits of our brains. There must be something more… I am not sure i described that well. It is something that takes experience to understand. It is hard to truly believe without seeing.
Soon. Well whenever Soon happens, like this ascension. At least today is one day closer then yesterday. Time seems to be moving quite fast. So soon, might arrive sooner then expected. I would prefer Now, however.