This isn’t about writing or art’s block. It is related though. Before I was very into the New Age, but I started to question it. I guess society’s stereotypes of the New Age began to influence me. I read scientific arguments against New Age beliefs, and began to doubt. So I decided to take a break from all things New Age.
Yet, now I feel dried out of inspiration. I am focused on my health, and getting my thyroid in good condition. Yet, it does not hold the same since of Awe that some of my old blog posts used to.
This dawned on me as I was watching a k-pop music video. I thought, how nice it would be to suddenly be able to understand Korean. Then I remembered a post (here) I had written about how in a past life I might have spoken Korean, and therefore my soul enjoyed hearing it again.
I compared the feeling I had writing that post to now. Lately most my posts feel bland, and I wonder why anyone would read them. I have gotten to caught up in labels and hormones. These things are important, and effect my day to day life. Yet, they are not nearly as fun as thinking about Past lives.
Yes, I am likely mildly autistic, while researching it, it was often like my own thoughts were being reflected at me. Yet, because I am high functioning it does little more then give me a label for my thoughts. My life isn’t going to change knowing I am autistic. I am high functioning to the point that even those close to me, do not think it is likely I am autistic. You’d have to be in my brain to know.
Yet, the possibility of being autistic has helped me accept things about myself a little more. Now I have an excuse for having no friends outside of family. This will not keep me from feeling lonely, but I can be more forgiving of myself.
And balancing my hormones will effect how I feel everyday, so it is important to research. Yet, researching it can often be frustrating in that getting help from Doctors is difficult. I repetitively read about how hard it is to find a good Doctor for one’s thyroid.
This research does not fill me with joy at all. Nothing has that magical feeling of being so right, which the New Age had. Sure, I felt like a impostor when writing about the New Age. That little scientist in me made me question everything I wrote. Yet, I didn’t feel the same.