It is such a hard decision to go back to school. There are fears that I will not be able to find a job when I get done. Much less a good paying one. As Library Science is not a recommended choice of career.
Yet, the doubts are beyond that. Yesterday, I watched a video by Teal Scott. I have been watching many of her videos, and this one drew me to it because of the title, Feeling Lost and Ten Steps to Becoming Found. For a long time I was lost.
You see, Library Science, is not my dream. It has always been my back-up plan. I have a strange dream of being a writer. Strange because I do not really write. If I passionately sat down and poured my heart into words, everyday, then I would follow this path. This dream has been following me most of my life. I know I am far from a good writer. My grammar is horrible, as sometimes comma placement confuses me.
After watching Teal Scott’s video, I was inspired for a while. I put textbooks on hold at the academic library I work at. I looked up the creative writing program at the University I work for. I told myself that I would teach myself to write, and get into the program. (I’d remain at my current job, purely for access to many good textbooks.)
Today, I mentioned going to college for Library Science to my sister (my closest to age sister). She wasn’t sure if I should go into the field, because I wouldn’t make good money or easily find a local job. I also cautiously brought up going to college for writing, admitting I wasn’t the best writer. She told me that even if I wrote a wonderful novel, there would be no guarantee of getting published. Also writers tend to work freelance, without a stable job. Writers have to spend hours everyday writing. My sister would have put thought into this. Unlike me, she is a good writer. She won local awards, and was published in one of the kid editions of Chicken Soup for the Soul.
Life is confusing. Countless people will tell you to follow your dream, but others tell you to think practical. Do I listen to Teal, or logic? Teal Scott is obviously a smart person, and makes convincing arguments. Yet, I am a little unsettled by her. So much so that I watched a video titled, Teal Scott Freaks Me Out, and ever since I have been wary of Teal’s motives.
I have come to that path in the woods. Do I listen to all my internet studies of the Spirit world? These studies would point towards following your dreams, and that the conventional ‘logical’ path is not actually wise.
Following my path to an art school didn’t exact work out. I am afraid that I will turn away from writing like I did art. Yet, there were many factors that influenced my turn from art. My illness took a huge toll on my desire to do artwork. Suddenly just writing my artist statement seemed easier then doing the artwork. Even in my last days at art school, my artwork became text based.
I desire stability, so I turn to Library Science, while my stomach says it isn’t right. Do I follow my desire, or my Intuition? Can I really motivate myself to write hours everyday? What would it feel like to write with the goal of writing something marketable? Because if I become a writer, I would have to consider my audience to make money. A psychic said that I shouldn’t pursue writing as a career because of having to consider an audience. I respect this person, who is a writer herself, but I do not know if I should listen. She could have been influenced by her own experience, instead of just intuition.
I do not understand why writing is my dream. I have never finished any book that I started. I just want to share the things in my head. My blogs certainly have never been successful.