Doubting Choices


It seems the classic play of the artist begins.

Today I told my Mother about wanting to join the local art scene and try to make money through art for buying an iPad Pro. She told me to tell my eldest sister. Quiet time having been reached in my apartment by the time I would have been able to call her on the phone. I emailed her instead. Then after it was safe to make a little more noise I called her.

When I asked her opinion she said that I already knew what her opinion was, so there was no point in saying it. After a little pushing on my end, she still refused to tell me. However, she started talking about all the information she had picked up for me to find a normal job. She said that she talked to one of the Temp staff-hiring people about me, and this person said they would hire me in a heartbeat.

It is just the normal play of the universe, to ask if someone is really sure about this choice.

Isn’t this was the classic question that the universe asks an artist starting out. Usually, the family is not all that keen on the artist following the art.

I, however, have my doubts. Should I continue to pursue the traditional office jobs that my family seems to interested in me taking? The person who would hire me in a heartbeat was saying this having never met me. Likely my sister shared my wonderful G.P.A. from the University of Michigan… which was always a wonder to me. I stressed out over grades but was never quite sure how I ended up with some of the good grades I did. Hence, the continuous pressure I put on myself while in college.

I was able to get good grades, and be ill at the same time… because many weekends in my last year was the time where I was sleeping two days non-stop. I’d manage to keep a fairly normal schedule during the week, despite being tired all the time, then I would K.O. once I had finished everything I needed to do.

Yet, even to this day, I am not convinced I can make it as an artist. I spent so long being unable to do artwork. Even now doing artwork is temperamental.

Following my dream doesn’t seem to be a simple process. (I have the hiccups all the sudden.) Today’s post is much different then it would have been had I written it before I called my sister.

I was in the wonder of how the world was changing. Now I am wondering if it really is changing. Would there really be a place for an artist who loves to create image and text? I am talented but am I talented enough to make money from art.

The honest truth is that my obsession with both writing and art has never resulted in a net gain. Ie, I have never made money Blogging or Arting. I have only spent money on nice themes for my website, supplies for the Art, and a college tuition. I joined Zazzle to turn that equation around… still no sales. The only thing joining Patreon ever did was temporally increase views on my site.

I am waiting right now, to hear back about being able to show my artwork somewhere in town. I have emailed two curators for local coffee shops. I sent an email before joining. I will post one part of it here.

I have looked at your web site, but am reluctant to make any judgements.  I have been more involved with the juried shows and have seen pieces rejected from one show that not only get into the next show,  but win an award.

Now, I think I might be a way away from winning in the traditional sense. Yet, as I said before I can win the unconventional advertising sense. I have looked at the style of artwork that tends to win these shows and never has the art been digital. It tends to be more traditional style paintings.

I think this is one of those if you don’t try you will never know things. It’s just that this route seems to be so much more exciting than my family’s idea for my life.

When it comes down to it, and whether the world is actually changing, doesn’t matter as much as me changing. Perhaps the world is staying the same, but by interacting with it differently, it appears to change. Perhaps the path of excitement was always there, yet I needed to gain the confidence to follow it. I needed to gain the confidence to use my own style over copying what I thought successful Art was.

In the end, it isn’t about being good enough. It is about being real.

Categories: Art

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3 replies »

  1. Most artists have to take a side job in order to support their art. Maybe having the job could help you afford supplies and the iPad you want. If I were able to work and get a job I would have jumped on it many times. You can spend any extra time making art and developing your style. I would say just looking briefly at your work, it may help to spend an additional 2o minutes on each one. I have been at the blogging art making game for too long and I still have yet to really make a sustainable living from it.

    • Thank you. I will consider this. I am currently on disability so have a sustainable living for now.

    • Let me explain better. Despite putting up a positive front as being better, I actually do have a disability that effects me. I know my artwork seem incomplete, but my art is really a healing process. This is as much as I can do at this point. I am trying my best to reconnect with the way I could do artwork before disability, but am not completely there yet. I think I am good enough at this point to start trying to make a name for myself. My sister seems unable to accept I am disabled and my family pushes me to jobs that I am not healed enough to do. Focusing on art will give me a goal that isn’t going to complain if I am differently abled. The level of stress is the level I choose to feel.

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