Indecisive: Sorry!


Hello Reader,

I realize that I flip flop on topics. First I publish my name, and link to Facebook, then I withdrawal my name. A long while ago, I decided that I would study for the GRE, and get into Grad School. That lasted about… two weeks.

I state that I am going to follow my excitement to become a artist, then I declare I am applying to conventional jobs. I decide to write a book, then I decide to Blog instead.

I write lots of posts on disability, then I convert most of them to drafts. I put up artwork with no watermark, then I delete all the images in one hour.

So I realize I am a bit impulsive, and indecisive to the point it might be annoying. Half the time when I write, it is to get out a concept. Yet, I sound so passionate in the way I write. I am making these declarations to myself at the same time I write them. I am thinking through the words.

I just like to write my thoughts. As thoughts can be fleeting, they are subject to change. I try to show a real picture of myself with my posts. I will post wisdom, confidence, and doubts.

I do not know why progress has been so slow getting followers. I highly suspect a lot of my followers are bots, and people who do not actually read my posts. Perhaps it is that I can come off sounding like a confident teacher, then I contradict myself with doubts.

After spending a lot of the money I had saved for the iPad Pro. I was thinking of buying one with a monthly payment. I had been hoping that just following my excitement would magically lead to the iPad Pro faster, following my excitement meant investing in Bashar’s teachings, and investing in my Blog. I also invested in cords to transfer files, but have not done much of that. Plus, I invested in gifts for family.

My eldest sister suggested that I borrow money for the iPad Pro from my parents, instead of getting the cost on credit. Now part of me is wishing that I hadn’t bought so many videos from Bashar, another part of me is curious to buy more.

A lot of times, Bashar is repeating the same statements to the same questions in the videos. It is good to hear the same from a different perspective each time. So, I think I have the basics down pretty well. The teachings are much less complex then Bentinho’s. I finally signed up for the trial of Trinfinity to finish the first lesson. Now I am debating if I want to start the Empowerment Lesson. I am largely wondering if it is necessary, or I if I can Empower myself just as well.

Bentinho gets very detailed on stuff that largely confuses me. Some of what he says is gold, but I don’t always understand him. I wonder if it is necessary to get so technological, so I don’t know if I want to start another lesson. I am debating.

Good day!


Categories: Beginnings

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