Continuously torn between paths


Last night I sent out an email that requesting the final few links between my name, and 5D on google be removed. For a while I had used my real name on Ashtar Star Command, and an author had taken one of my posts from that site, and published it on another site under my name. This I have noticed is a common occurrence of the Internet Community, with certain sites getting high amounts of followers for publishing others articles. Usually they leave credit due, but apparently they do not ask the author.

So online under my name is a very non-mainstream article, that shows with the search of my name on google.

This was all fine and good when I was following my dream to have a successful enough Blog to provide an income, yet with my family always pushing me towards mainstream employment, I tend to randomly apply to jobs.

Last night, I stayed up late writing a new cover letter. I thought maybe my old version was stale. I am going to be giving the mainstream route a chance. As much as Bashar says that simply following excitement is all I need for abundance, who says that apply for jobs is outside of excitement.

Perhaps I have some definitions to work through, that I can only face by going the conventional route. As this Blog is now no longer attached to my name, I can be as weird as I want without worry here. I don’t have to worry about the repercussions of my words being too outside the norm.

I love to Blog so of course will continue. I will continue to create artwork. Yet, as much as I know abundance come in many forms, the concept of having enough money is exciting to me.

I am also in need of a regular schedule. I lack self discipline to get up at the same time of day without necessity. This leads to me missing a good deal of sunlight, and I love sunlight.

I am not contrary to work. I like the challenge. Its just I have continuously messed up interviews. Yet, I have to have faith, that the interview of the correct employment would be impossible for me to mess up. All these other jobs I didn’t get, were not at the right time in my healing process.

I have had some final stages of healing to do, even after I started declaring that I was now well enough to work. I guess I was a little premature in my desire to be better. Hopefully, now I am healed to the correct level.

Categories: Beginnings

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