Beginnings

Honoring my feelings

Yesterday, I wasn’t quite sure what my feeling was. It was a bit of anxiety without stress. I was overheated and something felt wrong. As my roommate is out of town, I had the whole apartment to myself. I pulled out more decks of Oracle Cards then I have ever used in one setting, and asked two questions each.

In one of the Doreen Virtue decks the ‘Emotions,’ card came up. Yet, I still didn’t know what emotion I was feeling. Some of the teachers I listen to, and I am not sure I completely believe, state that this will be a time of unrest. Even the more mainstream forerunners in the New Age Movement sense there is something in the air. Some more extreme sources say that part of the world is currently awakening.

I am not afraid to listen to teachers, others would write off as too extreme. For I find wisdom in the words. Another way of saying, ‘the part of the world if awakening,’ could be, ‘a great number of people are reaching new levels of Enlightenment.’ This is a result of, or a result from, the world having a new energy. Those experiencing this new energy are said to have unrest. Yet, do I have to accept this?

It is true the world is changing in great ways through the progress of the Internet. It is very clear that life today has completely transformed. This has enabled less mainstream movements, like the New Age, to share information online. Which might result in increased awakening/enlightenment. So even from a scientific standpoint the energy of all communities is transforming.

Yet, do I have to accept that I will feel unrest in this new energy? If I am told I will, then I am more likely too.

It is true that the connectivity of the world is transforming our lives in ways that could lead to stress. Constantly having the Internet at our fingers gives us more distractions, and less time to look around at the natural beauty of life. If you are looking at your phone you will miss the flowers. You will be to caught up in the stress of work email to smile at simple things.

Yet, I do not have to accept it. Everyone will react to the new energy differently based on the attitude they bring to it. If you use your phone to capture the flowers instead, joy will result from you phone instead of stress.

Still this post is about Honoring my feelings. The ‘Emotions’ card lead to a few tears on deeper thought. I had lost followers on my blog, I assumed because my recent posts have been too extreme. I re-read some of them, and realize how I might come across as having fallen into the deep end. I still have the rational side of myself, but I put it aside to experience life in a new way.

What if the world is awakening, and beginning to change for the better? What if the horrible things on the news were the last efforts of negativity acting up because it feels threatened by the new energy? I don’t know, but to live in the world thinking things are transforming to something better then ever before, is more fun then despair.

So my card readings turned toward my Blog, and in the end convinced me to try. I knew that the annoymous aspect of my Blog, always hurt my growth. I would have to stop hiding in order to follow this dream.

Yet, now my emotions are stressed about how people will react. Most people will not care, but a few might read my recent posts (the too extreme ones) and misunderstand. I have always been seriously worried about my Mother crying if she read my Blog.

I prepared my Blog last year for this moment. For a while I had struggled with my Childhood faith, and didn’t understand yet that all religion is a wonderful thing. Even the organized ones. I took off a number of posts that I thought would upset her, so that the journey shown in my Blog is incomplete. I remember losing readers when I posted about my struggles with religion. I was immature in those posts, because I did not yet truly see.

So I have honored my feelings of worry. Thank you for listening.

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(The Card is from Kyle Gray‘s Angel Prayers Deck)

Categories: Beginnings

3 replies »

  1. It’s better in the long run for you to be happy with who you really are, and to be accepted by those who love you for this.

    Keeping secrets from others just so they won’t judge you or think less of you brings a lot of inner pain and turmoil. Becuse, in a way, you are lying to them. They think you are something you are not. It’s a heavy weight to carry.

    Some may accept, others not. Better to be your real self with yourself and everyone.

    You might be surprised when, a few weeks or months from now, some comment that you seem happier.

    (source: life experience)

    Take care,

    B

    • Thank you. I just needed to grow up a little first. Not that my family would have, but being different can create a feeling of exclusion and conflict if handled wrong. My family loves to debate. I’ve sat through hours of debating topics. Lol

      • Yes, it can lead to that. Your family isnt mine. Mine where “We think A, you think B, you are wrong”. There was no true debate, no consideration of my thoughts. If I don’t agree 100%, I’m an outcast. So I accepted that.

        You’re lucky to have family that will consider your opinion.

        I think you are handling it better than I did 😀.

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