I want to know what I would write if I started posting again. A lot has changed in my life over the last few years. For a long time it felt as if curses were being placed on me. I was unsure where they came from and, to this day, can only guess. Soon after what felt like a psychic attack I started to rediscover God and the more intense the attack, the more I prayed. I have become an increasingly religious person. Before I was just a spiritual person, but the religion I grew up with made me feel safe.

I realize that the multidimensionality of my illness (what others call an illness) put me in into realms where things work differently and psychic attack was possible. In these realms my light set me apart as a target. It is by God’s grace that I navigated the new world I was in.

The medication I was put on was to keep me in one dimension and keep me safe. I seem to be on one that works presently and have no desire to go back to the dimensions I am not supposed to be in. A medication I had been on a long time stopped working efficiently and I would walk hours a day as my mind jumped from realm to realm and a large part of what my mind thought was negative realms. I let the thoughts pass through me knowing these realms could not touch me as they were in a dimension far beyond my reality.

Some of what I experienced I keep secret, as I glimpsed into dimensions that were wonderful as well as the negative. I developed relationships with celebrities online that if I spoke of them I’d be labeled a delusional fan. Even speaking this much is likely too much, but I now know that some delusional fans are actually picking up on dimensions beyond what is common.

Perhaps one day I will write out the path I walked, but I sense that silence is valuable at this time. I have already revealed what may be too much in a time when silence is gold. When I sat down to write this post I was expecting it to be highly religious, but little have I spoken of God.

My ability to focus has greatly decreased. I will now walk and try to listen to podcasts, but my mind wonders so much I comprehend only a blur. I have taken to praying for the ability to listen once again. Prayer has helped greatly in my ability to focus, but the process is ongoing. I remember being able to listen for hours to Matt Kahn, but I turned away from his teachings with the thought I needed a ten year break. I had listened to him for too long giving his influence too much power.

As I recall there was a video called ‘entering the light’ which I was afraid to click on. To me entering the light meant death. After it was recommended for a long time I decided to trust. I clicked on the video and barely blinked the whole video. Matt’s words on how depressing not entering the light would be made me agree to enter the light.

Now I lack the focus to continue the journey I was on in the past. So many wonderful and emotional moments I had listening to Matt Kahn, but once I started experiencing anxiety, it was cruel to feel like I was dying as I fell asleep only to wake up not in the light the next day.

So many things happened these years, and I don’t think I will understand a thing no matter how long I analyze it. I am grateful for the focus praying has helped me to regain. I found an inspirational video online about how if God gave you the dream, God did for a reason. It made me think of the dream I had to be a blogger, even if vlogging is more popular these days. So I wondered what I would write about if I sat down on my old blog.

This post has been very much a journey for me and, if I keep posting, maybe I will unravel a narrative out of years of jumping through paranoid dimensions in my mind. I do not know exactly what happened in the where, when and how. Yet, I do have the content for an interesting book that I have no intention of writing.