Beginnings

Why I haven’t posted much

I have not posted in a long time. Life can be hard to explain. Especially for a slightly psychic person, who happens to have suffered from mental illness. Where is the line between illness and reality? How do I draw the line, when there obviously is a spirit world? Not just one world, but many worlds are running parallel to this one. If I am rational during the day, is it really wrong that I spend time with spirits at night? Is it real, or illness?

Yes, I have been suffering from a bit of a problem. I unwittingly ended up in a hotel/restaurant that happened to be haunted, and three days later my sister heard knocking at night. Was the knocking just a chance? I started spending more time with spirits at night, imagining conversations, but not hearing.

During the day, I am fine. Not Manic or insane, but I am doing stuff many scientists would write off as mental illness, in my head at night. Yet, as someone who follows a New Age philosophy, is it really that strange? How do I tell if it is mental illness, or authentic?

For fear of being considered unstable, I haven’t been posting. As someone with Schizoaffective Disorder, I do need to watch my sanity. I have kept my Therapist, and Psychiatrist informed. I just cannot decide if I am ill, or psychic.

This problem of spending time with spirits at night, I have mentioned once before. It has been nearly all my life, and it was long before my mental illness that it started. Changes in medication, do not effect it. It seems to be separate from my illness. I graduated from High School with all A’s while, dealing with this. I am perfectly able to function.

So that I happened to run into a stronger spirit then normal, has thrown me for a loop. I am doing so much better in life then before, and do not want to risk more medication. Am I crazy or is this real?

So I am seeing a Shaman. I want to know if I am dealing with a spirit, or illness. If I am dealing with a spirit, I want to understand why I have attracted them all my life. Why most people who go to haunted houses come home with nothing new, but I start sensing a spirit? What should I do about it?

If it is my illness, and I am perfectly fine otherwise. Is it wise to take more medication, when it might not make any difference. Medication comes at a cost higher then just money. It might take away my waking hours, or give me a new side effect. Why did this begin before my illness?

So in the light of all this, I have not posted. I didn’t think anyone would understand me, and that I’d be labeled as insane. Please understand, that I am trying to understand myself right now. I have a choice to make… many choices.

Categories: Beginnings

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