I have been reading Doreen Virtue’s books on angels. For the first time in years, I seriously stopped to talk to angels. In Doreen Virtue’s book Angel Medicine, it talks about the fact that a person could be heal instantly by asking the angels. She goes into various reasons why this might not work. For example, a person might have come to identify with their illness, and not really want healing. I realized that some of these reasons applied to me, but told the angels that I was fine with still being healed instantly.
I was so happy that night, and filled with hope that finally I would be healed. Yet, the next day I still slept too long. All the addictions I mentally cut with the angels were still there. Instead of hope, a sad feeling entered me. In Doreen Virtue’s books there are many examples of people instantly being helped by angels. Other Intuitive Blogs I’ve read have promised signs and synchronicities, yet they don’t seem to happen for me. That day despite requests for signs, I came home with none.
I was so upset, I couldn’t read the book Healing with the Angels, and thought back to my memories with angels. Even before knowing about Doreen Virtue, I talked to angels. Late at night, when I was supposed to be sleeping, I would attempt to talk to angels. Yet, my conversations were often interrupted by Earthbound Spirits or Demons (Schizoaffective or young psychic… you pick). I remember asking Archangel Michael to make them go away, so I could focus on things like prayer. Yet, it never worked.
I still persisted in talking to the angels, and, as the pressure of college drew near, I asked for guidance. I told God and the angels that I would even pick a hard life, spent dedicated to helping the world, but they had to guide me. Yet, no guidance came. Angrily, I stopped talking to angels, and stopped believing in God.
Years pasted, and quite a few things happened. My mania made me believe in God again. (I wrote about this here.) Yet, it wasn’t until I moved to New York City, the same time I was completely taken off Zyprexa, that I remembered angels at all. I was suddenly bothered by Earthbound Spirits again, but also felt a deeper connection to the angels at the same time. I talked about this in one of my first posts here.
I entered a world of great darkness, and saw sides of myself I didn’t know existed. Yet, going back on Zyprexa helped pull me out of that place. I wish I could say that the angels pulled me out, and maybe, secretly, they did.
So as someone who has a history of not getting help from angels even when I asked, Doreen Virtue’s books can be painful. Still I persisted in reading, and am hoping for a life with many signs.
I am still able to imagine talking to the angels, but still have trouble. I asked the angels, “If you heal me, what about my medication? Do I go off it?” The answer was as follows, “Going off medication is something very important that you have thought about a long time. First build a relationship with the angels, by asking for help and getting it. The signs will build up your trust in angels. Second you must learn to distinguish between angels voices and your own thoughts. Oftentimes when talking to angels you get distracted. You need to mediate to clearly hear the angels.”
I will let you decide if this is an angel talking to me, or a creation of my own mind.