Beginnings

This post did not go where I had planned!

I have been reading and watching lots of Law of Attraction posts the last few months. I tend to go in phases spiritually where I will follow Matt Kahn for a while, Access Consciousness for a while and the Law of Attraction.

Speaking of Access Consciousness, Dain Heer was in my dream last night talking to be about what I should do if my disability income is cut off. Yep, in the months I haven’t been posting here, my disability income has come into question and I am currently waiting on the final verdict of whether the government considers me disabled.

I am leaving that to the Professionals to decide, but the appointment to review my disability reminded me of a memory problem I had overlooked before.

Years ago, many many years ago, I was taking part in a study on my condition. They attempted a simple test used mostly to check for memory problems in the elderly. Where they tell a person three words and distract them and ask them what those three words were after a few questions. I failed that test horribly.

I did not know what the test was for at the time and my memory is mostly excellent. Yet there are some memory issues I have faced all my life when it comes to remembering names.

When I was in elementary I was stressed by the game where you threw a ball around and the person says the name of the person who threw the ball to them. I was worried that I would be thrown the ball by someone whose name I didn’t remember in my small class even if we had been in school together since Kindergarten. Thankfully only those whose names I remembered wanted to throw the ball to me.

In college there was a wall with student’s pictures and names. I remember standing in front of that wall attempting to memorize the names and faces so as to not upset classmates by not remembering their name. I went further to friend them on Facebook to be able to study faces and names more.

Now that I have proven my excellent memory for some details by talking about my horrible memory for others details I will get back on track with the post. During my appointment for disability review I did not pass the dementia test again. I do have enough memory to recall that this was a dementia test and knew from the very beginning to remember those three words. However, after one question I discovered I could not remember the words.

Whether I have impaired judgement is up for you to decide. I think I have mostly very good judgement with some airheaded moments. Yet, if I have impaired judgement wouldn’t my judgment be too impaired to recognize my impairment? And anyway, who gets to decide what impaired judgment is! Do you decide that those who think differently than you are impaired, which is the tendency I see a lot of science moving toward.

Truth be told, with my extended issues remembering names, I do not know if I would have passed a dementia test at age 5. I do know I didn’t pass one over seven years ago. I do know that I have trouble remembering the simple steps to put together coffee drinks. Where if I worked at Starbucks I would literally have to stop and look up the instructions over and over even further slowing me down.

Add this randomly impaired memory to my slowed reaction to stimuli and you might understand why I don’t run out and grab the first coffee shop employment at Starbucks. Add to that random memory issues with also unreliable judgment. Where usually my choices are acute, but in the aftermath of some decisions I realize that it was based on flawed judgement. I am wondering what kind of employer wants to hire someone who is mostly reliable, but not always consistent with choices?

So I am destined to be a writer, artist or Youtuber! As these forms of employment require a different skill set. So perhaps once things slow down a little bit (busy for the holidays.) I will once again be able to focus on writing and art.

Categories: Beginnings

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