Beginnings

Thoughts… oh it is getting late!

It is time for some reflection on my sources of motivation. Long have I avoided the ‘mainstream’ forms of entertainment when it comes to the popular shows and movies. Granted, there are times in a storyline where I decide to stop watching to avoid the drama. The most common example of this being Korean Dramas which are known to ‘pull the heartstrings’ and ‘turn on the waterworks.’

I have been following alternative shows which often have to do with enlightenment, things like light bodies, extraterrestrials etc. The thing is I have not really been following for my enlightenment, but for the entertainment value.

The ever close ‘soon’ kept me hanging on. Recently on the Internet, there has been much talk about ‘the event.’ I am not saying that the event will not happen, but I personally need to let go. As far as I am concerned, I am enlightened and getting lighter. I have learned much from my interest in spiritual matters, but you might have noticed my silence. You might have noticed I stopped putting on my masks to write.

I used to wear two main masks on this blog. The guru mask and the doubter mask. I also tried on the conspiracy theorist mask from time to time (inspired by David Wilcock.) I want to put down my masks, but do not know how to face the world without one.

What am I without the mask? Here there is the blank. The existence. Here is where many spiritual teachers point to the breath. Yet, I would not have thought of the breath as an existence of the self without teachers having pointed it out to me.

So what am I? Who am I? If I place aside the shells of protection I have used to navigate the world and learn by trying on personas, who am I?

The funny thing is. I do not know how to write or even talk without some sort of mask. As if words were some sort of trickery when my natural state is silent listening.

I tried very hard to learn to express myself. The frustration when others could not understand. The effort to speak until they understood. Here I am talking to myself and you at the same time. Trying to discover where this train of thought leads.

Again, today, I was debating the merit of ‘Law of Attraction’ in my mind. Yet, it was really Darryl Anka channeling Bashar who taught me an idea of reality I can almost understand. I, for the life of me, cannot seem to decide on the ‘Law of Attraction.’

Granted, I think Bashar is a bit insensitive at times. I will not tell you my secret of how I think reality works. I will hint that it has a lot to do with the Answer Answers Oracle card, “If You Believe.’ Belief is the backbone of building a reality.

Words are often a string of beliefs. Now at times, while attempting to sleep, I will think of the cleavest topic to write about. Two nights ago, I began to think, What if instead of feeling the desire to record an idea I just experienced it. Is an experience of an idea less valuable if I do not record it. Yet if I do not record it, it is lost in a train of thoughts and I often forget it.

There I remembered the topic I felt the need to write about. Now that I am sitting down and able to write about it. I am caught up with the phrase, “Train of thoughts.” Bashar channeled by Darryl Anka is often caught repeating that humanity is getting on different trains so to make sure you are on the right train because it is getting harder to switch trains. He states that the world will be dividing into different realities (literally different worlds.)

I think there is a play of words going on here that relys on our limited understanding of the multifaceted universes. I have begun to think that each individual is already in a reality of their own. We share thoughts and get together with those we relate with to create ‘trains of thoughts’ that will lead to greater differences between the different ‘trains of thought’ in time.

Yet, I guess I do not need to explain it. It is pretty hard to explain. This conceptualization about how the individual creates reality and the group creates reality.

Teachers teach us that if you cannot explain an answer, we don’t know the answer. The good student in me attempts to take myself on the journey of writing to understand. You see when I start a paper, I do not know what I am going to argue. I have only the barest idea of what to say, it is in the journey of writing that I come to the understanding.

So to write is to journey. To write is a quest. The one who reads after it is written, will not necessarily be taken on the same quest. I have written to my full now. For the time being the need for expression and journeying in this way is satiated.

Categories: Beginnings

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