I shall attempt to write. As for a big meaningful topic. My mind seems to be blank on that. I have been doing much quiet pondering and examination of the world around me. My Diet is going to be a slow one, and in the end very uncomplicated. Yes, I will keep in mind that Fat is Healthier than traditional schooling teaches, but the main way I choose to lose weight is by creating a very small reduction in the number of calories I eat in a day. So far this has offered me much freedom, but I have no idea if I have lost any weight. My scale requires a battery which I am without at the moment.
I have been listening to the more lighthearted side of Gaia.com and even keeping up on a few alternative media sources of which I mainly browse the titles. The days are passing one by one. Change is inching closer. I want a roommate by the end of May for my next lease. I am mainly not focusing on the coming change.
Here I am attempting to express an elusive feeling. A feeling I cannot put a personality into in order to form it into words. A blank feeling that I do not really want to touch. I feel the knot of anxious emotion. I feel the withdraw from needing to express my true self without a filter.
The time ticks by and change comes with the next harvest moon, the very beginning of August. My position as an unpaid Nanny of 7 years will be ending. I need to focus on the freedom that will result and not the loneliness.
Again, I do not make it past the Interview stage of employment. A sister thinks I should move back to boring Battle Creek if I do not find a roommate/employment. The very place where my fear of driving led me to mainly lock myself in my room for two years. I want to live off disability in the much more prosperous city of Ann Arbor with a roommate to help me afford the rent.
Yet, I am indeed having trouble finding a roommate. I think there are factors to consider beyond whether I have employment and whether I would save on rent living in my parents home.
I simply want to stay where I am, I do not want to downsize my things and move. Yes, I will have a lot of free time on my hands if I do not find employment to replace my position as a Nanny, but it was not like there was any payment for being a Nanny in this case so I will be as financially well off as before.
Perhaps my sister thinks I will be lonely and should move back to Battle Creek because of that. All I know is that if I lived in Battle Creek, I would not go out. No one walks along the sides of the roads in Battle Creek. Where my family lives there is no sidewalk. Everything is car driven and there is not much to do even if you have a car.
Ann Arbor has a bus system, great walkability and plenty of interesting stores/parks/restaurants. Yet, at the same time, I would be alone here whereas I have family there.