I reverted my last post to draft. I had just noticed few Bloggers taking on the Donald Trump topic and I wanted to break the silence. My post, however, did not turn out with a positive hopeful flare and I even lost one follower. Perhaps it is wise to have this space without such talk.
I could not express well the feeling, and the feeling did not turn out with a positive post as I am very deeply affected by people around me. How do I put this?
My parents were raised in strict Catholic Families with my Mother only voting on one topic. She is Pro-Life and there is no changing her mind about it. She watches Fox News daily along with listening to Catholic Radio. On election day, she cried to me about how she felt like a horrible parent because so few of her seven children voted for Trump.
I have a sister who was part of the local camplign calling up people to convince them to vote for Hillary. I have another who has been to many of the protests in NYC. Another sister has been posting a lot on Facebook about how horrible Trump is.
I have a sense of reality that is still very much in process. With the New Age Spirituality pushing me along, I have visited corners of the Internet that once I would have considered filled with crazy people. I listen to Channelers and keep an eye on what certain popular sites known by the Mainstream Media as ‘Fake News.’
I also visit Buzzfeed and many sources of the Mainstream Narrative. I do not talk about visiting ‘Fake News’ sites with people I know in life. I do not talk about following Channelers, Psychics, Numerologists, Card Readers, etc. This is my secret life, that posted to my Facebook Feed almost a year ago, but stopped because I felt it hindered my ability to express myself without fear of judgement.
A number of realities are competing for me to believe they are the one true reality, but in actuality I consider each reality persented to me valid. Even if I do not want to live in that reality. I go by feeling on what to base my reality on. It feels horrible for me to consider Trump a evil dictator, like my sisters, because that makes me fearful. At this point, I am afraid my disablity will be drastically cut just as suddenly as people discovered they could not return home from their trips.
So to handle the fears of the future of America and my future. I have been listening to channeling much more. I started the day with a transformational meditation from the Bashar Self-Empowerment Workshop. It made me feel much more hopeful.
Yet, during the day, that hope softened a little, and I am trying my best to remain positive. It doesn’t help that the phone interview coming up is for a job that triggers my phobia. My phobia is such that I haven’t driven in over 10 years.
So it is the fear of losing what financal stability I have to the current administration, or the irrational fear of driving that has followed me all my life. I have been listening to Abraham Hicks videos in the hopes of getting this abudance thing mastered. Yet, the part of me that still visits the Mainstream sites, really doesn’t believe the things she says are possible.
I have been in tears before, when the emotion hits me with the thought, “What if ‘they’ are right and this is all nonsense?”
I want to maintain a positive outlook. So many channelers are of the Law of Attraction belief. Part of me wonders, if I attracted this reality by following the ‘Fake News’ conspiracy theory.
Do you have any idea how surreal the #muslimban made me feel when I was reading about it? I realized that this was not the world I grew up in. Yet, I do not know whose word to take on what kind of world I am living in now.
My heart tell me to pick the hopeful route, even if I am seen as crazy. It honestly feels better to believe that what Abraham or Bashar says is possible.
That today can be a day in which the world transforms form Fear and Hate to Love and Peace.