Beginnings

Forum Life… 2 Days Ago

peaceFlower

This was posted in a Forum only 2 days ago. I will include my parts here to show that when you write on your emotion even if that emotion is doubt, that same person can turn around two days later with a different attitude.

So there were three jobs opened up at my workplace after years of nothing. Every time there was an opening they just moved someone from another department. Two of these jobs are Late Night Jobs and the other requires a person to drive around (when I have a phobia of driving.) After wasting a week unable to write the cover letters, all the while afraid of losing Disability Income, I finally just took the plunge to submit the applications.

You see I was almost in a Fight or Flight kind of response after reading on the Huffington Post that the Republications are going to use their majority in all areas of government to gut Social Security and Medicare. My system was stuck in the Freeze portion of Fear. And I have to say that I am very much still stuck in Freeze. I have taken to listening to Channelers like Kryon and so forth to get some margin of comfort.

So I applied to jobs that I don’t really want. Honestly I do not want to say goodbye to sunlight and honestly, I do not want to start driving a company car around town making deliveries when I haven’t driven in over 8 years.

Kryon said in the channeling “When a Butterfly Flaps…”
http://www.kryon.com/cartprodimages/201 … rt_16.html

That the entire system was headed for economic collapse, yet we decided to elect a Wildcard in an attempt to prevent it (Trump.) Now the system is no longer set up for a worldwide collapse that would have taken at least a decade to recover from.

Sigh. The channelings seem only comforting when they are listened to.
I deeply worried. I am not the only one deeply worried.

I try to honor my feelings. Even if they don’t seem to magically disappear once you accept and let yourself feel the emotion.

The Thread can be read here.

Later on, I continued to write the emotion.

Honestly, I do not trust that I will be supported if I follow my excitement. Because to me, it seems like I have been following my excitement and the things that excite me (art/writing/spiritual sh!t) have only been a drain on my income. Matt Kahn says that something is a hobby until it can support you Full-time.

I do not put a Full-time effort into art/writing/spiritual sh!t. I put a hobby effort. Frankly, I do not think that I am talented enough as an artist/writer to make a living off of it. It does not matter how many compliments or likes I receive. I think I am good, but not good enough. Just like my IQ score… above average, but not a genius. I also have an above average guru score, but not enough to be Bentinho Massaro or Teal Swan.

I seem to be good at a wide variety of things but excel in no area. I am not the best Gamer even if I play games. Overall, I am above average in mentality. Yet, I am kind of lost. There have not been major changes in my life for a long time. The abundance I felt from before my work limited me to 8 hours a week, slowly disappeared with my savings.

I have the last remnants of the time of abundance. The computer I bought at that time, and the digital art programs.
How do you make a mirror feel abundant? It is simple to fake a smile and see the mirror reflect a fake smile.

As far as I can see it. I did follow my excitement. I have repetitively picked my excitement over Fear. I went to Art School for Pete’s sake.

Yes… I tend to let the emotions write themselves. For I doubt even Bentinho Massaro is confident 100% of the time. He wears the mask of the Guru/Businessman, while I wear the mask of the creative. It is my job to capture emotion in art or word. I process thought with emotion, and have anonymously on the Internet (unattached even to this blog) been letting the emotions that did not seem wise come to display.
I had decided turn down the emotions I didn’t feel were Spiritually seeming on this Blog for a while and went to express myself where I was unknown. Where I could build a new identity. I flip between being the enlightened helper to people who need support, the wise insightful one, and the unsure one in fear.
The commonality is the depth to which I express all these sides of myself. The honesty I write in. Now I am being the insightful me. Yet, I am something beyond what words can express. I follow the expression of different emotions to describe that who is without a mask.
It goes to show that what a person says, or writes doesn’t always reflect on who is really inside being inspired to speak in such a way. It is rather the fleeting flow a certain emotion that is best able to be displayed to the world.
Here is a good video that was posted for me to look at when I was expressing the doubter aspects of myself.

Categories: Beginnings

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