The choice I’ve already made


Remember the Panera application? Just yesterday, I randomly received a lot of views on my site. I was hoping that if someone were looking up my name for an job application, they’d just read the first few posts. My intuition is telling me that this random increase in views was for the job application. Otherwise, I’d keep quiet out of the same hope that they would just read the first few posts.

I knew from the beginning of connecting my site to my name, what I was getting into. It wasn’t an easy move. This site holds not only my esoteric views, but also information that I am disabled. I was tired of hiding my disability at work, however. I was tired of keeping quiet about the things I believed face to face, and blogging in secret.

In hopes of finding the perfect job, one that respects that I am disabled and where I do not have to hide it, I went forward with the connection of my Blog and Name. It was also because my dream of making it as a Blogger was greater then my dream of working at Panera.

Honestly, I was a little worried about if I could keep the speed needed at the Panera job, but I don’t think I am going to have to be worrying about that.

I highly suspect that my Blog is hurting my chances at my other job too. I didn’t Blog at work for a long time because I didn’t want them to discover my Blog. Yet, all one of my co-workers has to do is some web searching of my name, and the secret is uncovered. So I asked permission to Blog at work during the long hours waiting to help people. I didn’t hand out my website, but they likely have discovered it by now.

Still I will not censor myself. I will speak my mind on every subject that happens to interest me at the moment. This perfect job I am looking for, will be one where I can be myself. All the jobs that I have not received a call for (despite my impressive resume), and all the jobs where I don’t get a second Interview… might very well be linked to this site.

I am okay with this. As I have security enough in my social society income. I might have to budget, but I have learned how to survive on what I have. In the end, I should be looking for the kind of jobs that sees my talent and calls me. (That is what Laura Bruno told me once. She also recommend that I get all my faerie friends to help this job come to me.)

At times I wonder, if I should take my name from my Blog, and erase all the connections between google searches and my name. Yet, that would make having made the bold statement of connecting my esoteric Blog to my Facebook feed (I’ve made a page for the Blog since then) pointless. I came out of the esoteric closet to some people who deeply believe in the Christian religion. One or Two Priests were Facebook friends, and many others who had attended either Christian college, or high school.

I really didn’t want to hide anymore. I didn’t want to hide my disability anymore. I didn’t want to hide my beliefs. Why try to start up hiding again?

So lost job interviews, to jobs that apparently where not right for me, is no loss. As Brenda Hoffman says, I will soon be finding my security blanket. Still have no idea what it will be. Bashar said that there is a big change coming by Fall of 2016 too. I have life changes coming at that time, so I guess he is right.

(It was in a preview of Bashar, I have never bought one of his channelings. So I have never seen a whole channeling from Bashar.)

I am up late tonight, and don’t want to sleep. I put so much effort into fixing my schedule and there always comes along a day I cannot sleep, and I go back to late nights. When it is time for my schedule to fix, it will do so easily. I don’t feel like fighting the sudden desire I have to burn the midnight oil.

I just need to stop judging that it is wrong for me to stay up so late, when I don’t have a morning job the next day. I am getting over 8 hours sleep most nights. Only on somedays when I am forced to get up early do I regret the late nights.

Update: Have taken name from site for now. Tempted to take this post down too.

Categories: Blogging

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2 replies »

  1. I admire that you are put on the web as your true self. Re. Sleep. I am noticing and working with my natural rhythms. For example, I do my creative writing for my WIP late at night. I am able to sleep during the day many days. I still feel that “should” and “superiority” of early to bed early to rise, but continue to remind myself that what should do is what works for me.

    • I know that the day is designed for early birds. Work is usually early, businesses too. If I could instantly travel I’d just go to where things are open in any timezone. Then enjoy the night in my own. That isn’t on the table yet, so have to choose. Day or night (I am in the middle.)

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