I am a slow person. I have been all my life, but medication has made it worse. At work it takes me longer to do everything. This makes me feel like I will never be a good worker. I have a disability in being bipolar, but I, of course, cannot tell work this. My thoughts are sometimes clouded as well. This makes even a library job, harder.
So I ask myself what am I good at? Art. God has given me talent as an artist, but I am ashamed to show my work. It has gotten to a point where I can no longer complete my pieces. They just are not good enough. Still people say I am good, and I scratch my head and think, “What.”
I have always wanted to be a writer. God has given me limited talent in this area. I will write a first chapter, and then stop. Again it isn’t good enough. In my heart I know I am not meant to write fiction. The words do not flow like they do in blog posts.
So for a while I will try blogging, but that always stops. I tend to write long depressing posts. I think, someone will relate to this and feel they are not alone. Yet no one visits the site. No one likes a downer. So I will create happy posts with dancing furbies and singing hamsters. I sometimes slip up in a depressing post like this.
Ego is a big problem for me. It makes me think I’ve never had a passion or dream, but in reality I just never accepted them. I never felt good enough for them. It keeps me from looking for a new job by making me feel like a bad worker.
My higher self and angels are calling me to the intuitive world so I can learn to recognize the ego, and overcome it. When I had my cards read last winter the reader was impressed by how many major cards came up. He told me that I was being extremely called because of this.
I have not followed the readers advice at all, but the reading was very helpful. It taught me to look at my side of my relationship with my sister. Before I just blamed her for how she treated me.
I have much growing to do, so feel a little like a child. When I was a child I felt more like an adult. Anyway, good journey!