I heard from a Tedx video posted on Laura Bruno’s site that some cultures believe depression is an ailment of the soul. Dr Sangwan mentions a book about how to get out of depression without medication. What about Bipolar disorder? What am I thinking. For my level of illness I am in too deep.
Did you know that when I was first Bipolar I thought I had suddenly become extremely psychic. I wanted to find a psychic to argue this so I could get off medication. Depression kept me from doing this.
At first I was worried that everyone was lying to me. That they were trying to force me to take medication that was poison to my brain. It was to keep me in line because I was able to see things that would have pushed others out of line.
But something occurred to me, I did not want to live in a world without belief in the higher good. If there was some conspiracy to drug me, it was going to happen no matter what. They could force nutrients and drugs into my veins if I refused to eat. So I needed to choose which world I wanted to live in.
I had enough logic in my brain to see this. Some people living in psychosis have lost the ability to rationalize.
I was also afraid of if God wanted me to take medication, but God could burn the drugs out of my blood if s/he/it wanted.
Still at times I wonder, am I running away from my destiny? Could I survive without medication? I know the answer is no. If you saw me when I was on less medication you would understand. There is no magical technique to cure my symptoms. No mind frame to keep me from pain.
All of this is why I hate science. Science gave me a chance to escape hell, but it also puts me in a boring life with little real excitement. While unmedicated I was on fire. A fire that would sooner or later burn out my brain taking memories and empathy with it.
Or at least this is what science told me, and I have trouble letting go of science. I will never know if I could survive Bipolar without medication, because I gave in without a fight. At times I regretted this. Sometimes I felt that, even the cost it would have been to my brain, I should have put up a fight.
This post isn’t exactly what a doctor would like me to tell someone with Bipolar. I guess I am trying to say that while I have always taken my medication, because of what scientists have told me, I see the benefit in fighting. I once found a book on how to naturally fight Bipolar disorder at a library.
If you choose to fight, listen to yourself honestly. Are you happy? Not the crazy happiness of mania, but the softer healthier happiness that really lasts? Is this working?
I am leaving tag Bipolar off of this post. I cannot let go of what science tells me, and do not want to hurt another Bipolar soul. Bipolar souls suffer enough as it is.
I think this is my favorite TED talk ever! “The CEO and founder of Intuitive Intelligence, Dr. Neha Sangwan is an Internal Medicine physician and corporate communication strategist empowering healthcare practitioners, organizational leaders and corporate employees in their own self-care. Dr. Sangwan is an international speaker and media spokeswoman on the topics of conflict resolution, leadership and team transition, power and hierarchy, stress management, and employee wellness.” She covers everything from the mind-body-spirit connection (Medical Intuitive awareness from an allopathic doctor!) to Saudi-Indian-American relations to media misrepresentations of conflict when there’s truly a connection among cultures. All in all, this is a fabulous, heartwarming talk. Enjoy!